Journey

My son always talks of a ‘mom’ who keeps reminding him everything and to start with he is not a teenager and just a 5 years old. I have become that ‘helicopter mom’ and all I think about is him, that’s why I guess I have become the way I am now. It’s like either I can become a good human being or a good mom, both does not come together, I need to chose one from the other and obviously I have shown my inclination.

A few years back I could not imagine being a mom, I was planning to live a chaste and holy life. I was in a different journey, I lived with angels and always looked for signs that reminded me of the greater motive for life. I was sure and yes my guardian angel always protected me. Me and a friend of mine even talked of visiting the Mount Everest for pilgrimage.

Yet, I had embarked in this road and that’s my destination now, my angels are away but I still see them in my dreams sometimes but very rare. I can’t see anyone or anything beyond this small little creature that came out from my womb, when I had him inside me I couldn’t see him but I felt him. I was so afraid to be a mom, afraid because I was unsure of how to be a ‘mom’ but he made it so easy. Just holding him in my arms for the first time I realised this is my ‘caged bird’ where my life lives now.

I’m just a body and he my beating heart.

Even kids get lonely

We think we(adults) are the only ones with all the emotions and understanding and we don’t need to explain to our kids what’s going on or our plans or worries. We feel they entertain us alot with their crazy antics but they never get lonely cause we have invented a tell tale story for ourselves that’s little kids have “imaginary friend” and “we dont need to play with them” because they have got their friends to play with. When my son said me the above quotes I was surprised but I realised we need to get kids involve in and around adult matters but completely but explain what’s going on in the family, what we can do about it. I think this way we can raise strong kids who will understand how to handle stress more effectively than us. I am not saying scare them or burden them but just give them some information and see if they understand or they have a solution for it. You never know where geniuses are made! Try it.

D.T

also posted in TTT by the same author.

Feminist

As I age in a beautiful way, yes everything you grow into is beautiful , love yourself for who you are and be happy with what you do but most importantly do what makes you feel happy.

Feminism is revolutionary for once oppressed fairer sex. Feminism is empowerment, feminism is making oneself superior. But as I age I realise feminism is none, feminism means being able to accept your body the way it is, the naked truth I would say.

Feminism is learning to live with a man with your own ground rules, respecting him, loving him and yes seeking help from him whenever you feel the need. It isn’t about disrespecting a cultural preference , but isn’t even enforcing one on yourself , but it’s about accepting what you can with love and rejecting with respect what you can’t. It’s your choice it shouldn’t be enforced on you, “FORCED” is the key word.

You are still the master of yourself just that you should respect others sentiments as much as they do yours. It should be mutual, and not one sided. Feminism is more of embracing yourself not what the world makes you believe otherwise.

Kindness

Why I love him?? Like, Love him so much?

Well he shaped me from within, it’s a kind of a mental and spiritual growth together with a physical one. He has some special characteristics may we call small flaws that makes him perfect and unique. His kind of kindest heart which is hardly visible to the outside world that he procures for me to see makes me feel so special.

I will share one small incident that never failed to make a mark on me of his character. And honestly there are many many more .

One day some scanvengers came to clean the leakage of one of our septic tanks and after hours of some laborious work that they do started cleaning themselves up. I instantly chided my husband asking him to tell them not to touch the water pipes to wash themselves up, he looked at me so dissapointedly and said “let them use ya, they deserve it, they are also humans, first of all there are many schemes for them to be rehabilitated, but no one looks for them also they dont have much knowledge nor do they have any choice, dont be so caste backward” . I think we talked about them the entire evening. That day I have dropped my caste and creed. I believed I was always the soft, reasonable and empathetic one but that day I came to know that am not. That day I became more human. Each day is a new day to grow in love and I choose that.

A little bit of kindness won’t hurt but ignite a millions as example. Dont let the world die out of goodness, if you feel there are none left, you be the one

– Scribbles of a love stuck heart

Grievance Redressal

I have been an employee to this esteemed organisation as an Assistant since 2013. Now as my journey began in sbi with my posting far away from my home town I was told that it will be for maximum of 2 years and then I will be posted in my home town. With this and my trust in the words given to me I moved out of my home town. But fortune had a different story for me. I got married and my spouse too was in the same organisation but even after 3 years I was still in the same town. My only solace was posting with my husband, so basically I had a small family. Now by end of 2016 all my batch mates were transferred, I didnt go because I thought me and my hub will be transferred together . Call it being naive but we were hoping our so much loved organisation will see to it we get our transfer which is highly due after serving for nearing 7 years now and for at least the next assignment post us in our hometown together. My ever so patient husband applied for posting and we thought with him I shall follow. That’s the only bonus of both spouse working with this organisation of we ours, so the rule book says. And we  can stay together like normal families of our not so normal life. As being part of this Organisation I have seen multiple farewell . Even on retirement I have not seen a soul who have  not dropped a tear as we along the years make sbi not only an organisation we work for but a family we take care of. I have witnessed heavy hearts and longing eyes. Sbi is family now and we all respect it for not only giving us a job but for being so much a part of us, breathing the life and zeal in us . Every sbi branch we get transferred to gives a familiar feel and reminiscence of the previous one. Yes! I am little upset with the turn of event but I am hopeful and positive that I won’t give up on goodness and give my 100% to my sbi family and as a family it will take care of me and give me what I am worth.

Regards
A patient employee
Awaiting for transfer

Death or Dream

There is something very dark always associated when we hear of death. But what if death is actually a reality and you get liberated to a new being. What if death was not something to be fearful of, but something to embrace as inevitable and an alarm clock waking you up from the mortal dream.

As a child and seeing the first death in my family when I was 13 was really scary and not that easy for me. That was when I saw a darker version of me and I was lost in my blues actually grey.

The night had fallen and I heard my family rush here and there and I came to realise my grandfather had an attack but I decided to sleep through it( yes I did that, cause I thought that’s what is right), I actually thought things will be brighter with the new Sun in the morning and he would come back home . But he never returned not atleast alive. I was in a state of shock and I felt so insecure and naive. I realised death was so dark. I know how I felt that day, I was scared of everything, too much rain, too much thunder, dogs wailing, speeding car technically everything. It was too dark, I prayed each day for a better dream every night. For few months I was in shock and hardly talked. But then things changed I started to forget and feel alright “time heals everything”. But the fear remains I don’t want anyone to die on me, that was the first death and probably I wish the last I see. I can’t and won’t be able to take it anymore even when am 30 now. It doesn’t work for me.

Even today every now and then I dream of my grandfather (baje we call) and it feels so real, it’s like I talk to him show him my family, my life and everything. Next day I wake up with a heavy heart, a guilt but a reassuring smile that he is my guiding angel now. I may not have been able to bid him goodbye one last time but he stays with me and protects me till today and through dreams he talks to me. And, no wonder am a dreamer till today.

When you miss someone you see them in your dreams. I believe.

[D.T]

p.c : Google