I died

I nearly died today or am I dead now.. am I just the carcass of what is left of me, am I the loop of memories encircling.

I nearly died today, or is the world that has died, am I a mere human left and others just a fragments of my memories

I am dead today, I saw dead so close, it made me so afraid, the reality hit me as to what life to be after memories.

Than again do I die each day as I retire and give in to darkness , each day being a new begining, a new sunshine and daily bringing us closes to the inevitable

I am dead now

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The A-MAY-ZING MAY

May!!! Or so to say the amazing may for me, I have waited for months for this month like never before, it is so to say that this year “May “is really special for me. Had a beautiful year being married and icing on the cake is being married to a man like mine. Now let me tell about my ordeal, lets not call it an ordeal as well because somewhere between all those excruciating pain, the useless fatigue, restlessness, the penguin like walk, the overemotional talk, the salty tears, the panic and fear, it felt real beautiful, Yes! Only a word like beautiful can somewhat describe how it felt. There were days when the smell of food made me sick, would rather like to eat only air if that was possible but this also made me thankful for those extra nice days when I felt like eating. Another bright side of the so called morning sickness was making others cook for me and yes for me it was my hub. He cooked each day even after coming late from work and I heartlessly waited on him. But then again God shows mercy on everyone, his prayers were answered and my days of food aversion or Kitchen avoidance were over, though I had a small evil thought of pretending to continue, well!! I could have been forgiven for it am sure but I chose not to. Oh!!!The love of a man makes the devil inside me disappear. Sooner than I thought I was better and felt energetic but the emotional roller coaster still tend to show up once in a while. How could I forget to mention there were days of amusing gaze of people when I walk down the road and the many many guesses that people made trying to give a gender to my lil one. But irrespective of all this what I saw was an act of true love, I knew I have found a soul mate, a gem like none other. No points for guessing, it is quite obvious. I was also glad to know many people who has helped me and guided me throughout. Now am nearing the end of my journey and am very excited with a hint of nervousness too. I want to capture all the beautiful moments I felt and am pretty sure I didn’t feel it alone.

On being a daughter

On being a daughter

“How can I begin?? I am out of words,
when I look at you now you have aged a lot,
the love I got from you can never be compared,
I love you father, and you love me back.”
Growing with you was joy, the stories you told me will live with me always, you were and still are my biggest support. How can one be like you? I ask, and then comes the answer , by just being the best father.
Everyone expects us to be an epitome of perfection, but not you. You just recognize me with that imperfection..
While others expect, you fulfill. Oh!! I can write lots of memories that are pooping up like bubbles in my head,I can clearly date back to the time that you hid my report card so that no one else would see, it was our little secret. Shhhh… you whispered to me.
Ummm.. I remember one such particular incident, I was being stubborn and wanted to go see a movie rather a documentary with a my friend , it was a cold chilly and gloomy october month.. As I was seated in my seat (yes, my plea was considered) there were many distress calls from him, stating, that the whether went really bad and its raining heavily. I still continue to remain seated and when finally we were done and we went out I noticed that “Nigeria falls” was pouring down from the roof tops. We just had one umbrella and trust me when there is such heavy rain no umbrella could save us. We quickly caught a taxi and set to our destination. I have to change two public vehicle to reach my destination, so I got down and to my surprise I saw my dear father waiting for me right next to another Nigeria falls with an umbrella.. I was so relieved to see him, but I rather not tell him how thankful I was because then he would be like ‘I told you so’ . so I quietly bid a quick goodbye to my friend and went with him without saying a word but having a heart full of joy. Others expect love and care, a father gives it anyway.
You have become old caring for me, you have given me the best of everything.
Thank you baba for accepting me the way I am, with my own peculiarities and flaws.
You were are and will always be the best man in my life.

Eternal love

“Eternal Love ”

The same feeling engulfed me like a little girl going for her first day at school. “Mummy don’t leave me, i need you” but mummy finally decides to leave you there in the midst of unknown faces as she forsee her child’s better future. If she keeps herself strong and let go her every heartbeat for a while, it difficult, it’s a struggle with herself.. can you ever imagine what you feel when you stop breathing for a while, its exactly that feeling. Is that even possible ??i ask. No!! Comes the answer.

Tomorrow is my day for another big leap, for tomorrow I shall leave my baby home and go to “being an adult ” again. My baby be a day old , a month, year or when he is old enough that he leaves my nest ..it will always be hard . Tomorrow he might learn to live without me it will be a proud moment as well as emotional. It is my selfishness I guess too, that i want my baby to look for me.. to miss me when I am not around.. and like that lil girl I want to tell my baby “don’t leave me, I need you” ,miss me but not too much that you cry but enough to keep you smiling.

I still can’t believe am a mom, its like what you all call..ummm…. the “OMG” moment in my life and I have picked up such a big role in this play,
Tomorrow I will leave you for the day, trust me love, whole day I will just be thinking of you. It will be hard for you but it will be much more harder for me. Love!! You are growing, growing really fast. Some how am sure you will get use to it and one day you will be able to be without me, heard kids learnt fast. But will I ever learn, i don’t think so..

I hope to be a good mother to you. I’ve been around so many other children too, was a teacher too, but you are my teacher, you taught me unconditional love..made many first-time-mom mistakes, but you forgive me too soon and still love me for my follies.

I know there will be tough times. I can’t picture what the bad times will be like right now but I think it’s a little unrealistic to think there won’t ever be any. But I do know that we’ll make it through those tough times, and I want you to know that I’m always trying my best. I want to be a good mother and I’ll try my hardest to do what’s right for you.

I love you my baby. Keep growing for mommy. I promise We will grow together.

We will always love you. For you complete us. You are a small piece, aahhh.. nope.. BIGGER. still a NO,a. ..aahhaa.. the biggest piece of our heart. 🙂 Eternal love.

Being a mom

Past two weeks worn me out totally, lots of work, lots of work at home as well,just stress and stress plus health was depleting.. Well! Feeling much better now. As I looked at the clock and rushed for office on Monday morning i wanted to begin the week well. I quickly hurried down the busy road also swimming across a stream of vehicles which moves downwards one by one. I waited for the vehicles to slow down a little to be able to cross. So I managed and survived the river, next I need to get one for myself. Now as I was racing through the crowd my vision was quiet blur though i could see people see vehicle see the road and everything else but it was not like my 6\6 vision I enjoy. I was thinking to myself ‘my pressure must be too low , I must be feeling dizzy “I might collapse too” “shall I return home” just when my mind was talking to me one man shouted the name of my destination and I in reflex action got in his public vehicle. Two more people got in and they were suppose to go half way mine. So the man stopped his vehicle for them and they got down and were paying the driver. While all this was going on I was looking out to see if am better and I was still the same so I reached for my specs so that I can wipe it a little and I realised I have left them at home on the table just next to where I was feeding my baby his baby food and he was trying to pull my spectacles so I opened and left it there and well that was the reason for all my dizziness. Well! I did a mini laughter show at myself and reached office without my 6/6 eyesight but 6/6 wits. The over reacting mind.

Embracing Love

Today you hugged me..Yes!! I remember the first time you ever hugged me. It was a Saturday evening. I volunteered to show you the terrace of my friends apartment. I can still close my eyes and feel that hug right there. The very first time. No matter how I reacted but honestly I felt good and secure. It was like your heart called out to mine. I never wanted to let go. I still remember the grey T-shirt you wore and I still remember that evening , that crazy narrow steps, my friends who were waiting for us downstairs, that view is like captured in my memory forever. I feel so much is alive, I still feel a part of me and you are there- at this very exact moment ,a part of us stuck in time, a part of us reliving memories again. I guess it’s true that memories lives forever. That hug of yours made me realise how much my soul missed you. Thus I found my soulmate and as they say ‘rest is history’.