Journey

My son always talks of a ‘mom’ who keeps reminding him everything and to start with he is not a teenager and just a 5 years old. I have become that ‘helicopter mom’ and all I think about is him, that’s why I guess I have become the way I am now. It’s like either I can become a good human being or a good mom, both does not come together, I need to chose one from the other and obviously I have shown my inclination.

A few years back I could not imagine being a mom, I was planning to live a chaste and holy life. I was in a different journey, I lived with angels and always looked for signs that reminded me of the greater motive for life. I was sure and yes my guardian angel always protected me. Me and a friend of mine even talked of visiting the Mount Everest for pilgrimage.

Yet, I had embarked in this road and that’s my destination now, my angels are away but I still see them in my dreams sometimes but very rare. I can’t see anyone or anything beyond this small little creature that came out from my womb, when I had him inside me I couldn’t see him but I felt him. I was so afraid to be a mom, afraid because I was unsure of how to be a ‘mom’ but he made it so easy. Just holding him in my arms for the first time I realised this is my ‘caged bird’ where my life lives now.

I’m just a body and he my beating heart.

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